[In Need of a Friend]

[nomorekaraoke]

That morning, waking up was the most confusingly lovely thing he'd ever done. It was wonderful, and scary and thrilling at the same time, and it made him feel like something had sucked his heartbeat right up to his chest. It was so wonderful it left him feeling slightly giddy, ever so slightly nauseous with overwhelming excitement.


~*~


He's been smoking all day, walking around the place like he's a very antsy alarm clock just waiting to go off. He'll start screaming soon. If he stops moving, he'll start throwing things around and upset his neighbors, and he'll scream and then he won't know how to stop.

Maybe if he just keeps breathing, he'll be fine. Maybe the smoke will keep him warm enough that he doesn't notice just how empty his too big apartment is. But why stop there? Why not include his whole life into the equation?

Lighting up the last cigarette in his last pack of them, Lorne takes a long, unsteady drag and exhales. Even his breath sounds like death warmed over, and suddenly he's struck by another string of thoughts. His record's stuck on repeat: I don't want to be alone

I don't want to be alone!

I don't want to

He picks up his cell phone off the coffee table, going through his call log and picking out the only number he can trust. And what does he get for it? He gets the answering machine. 'Hi, this is Beth. You know what to do after the beep.'

"Beth, are you there? I didn't know who else to call...but I'm having a really bad day, and I'm not dealing very well, and I just think I need someone to talk to. I didn't know who else to call, I'm sorry if this is totally inappropriate, I just... Call me when you can, all right?"

Comments

[nomorekaraoke]

Dragging a deep breath through his nose, he makes himself relax his jaw. "Nah. It isn't good, but it's better. For a given value of it.

"You know who it is," he asks, hating the words the moment they're out of his mouth. "Don't you?"

[sunnydalealum]

Her chest contracts around her heart with sorrow.

She takes a deep breath and manages to speak matter-of-factly. "I could guess. Unless you'd rather I didn't."

[nomorekaraoke]

"I don't..." He starts. Stops. Scratches the back of his head. "I just don't want it to be a problem that I'm friends with him."

He feels so ignorant. He doesn't even know what Beth really thinks of the guy, and what's worse, he never bothered to ask. He just made assumptions.

[sunnydalealum]

"If it was gonna be a problem," she says, and marvels for a moment at how calm she sounds -- how calm she actually is -- "it would've been one since the first time you brought him to the club. It's not. Seriously."

[nomorekaraoke]

He still feels horrible. Knowing just how obvious he must have been doesn't help matters. Because if Beth noticed, that means Angus and Ramon noticed too. And if he noticed, Lorne's entire staff knew before anyone could say 'dynamic duo'.

"Okay."

[sunnydalealum]

And that's as good as a confirmation.

Softer, again: "He's a good guy."

[nomorekaraoke]

He lowers his eyes, drains his coffee cup, resisting the urge to get another cup just so he can drown it in sugar. "Took me a long time to find that out."

He shakes his head, a self deprecating smile tugging at his lips. "First time I met him, I thought he was such a self absorbed, conceited little weirdo. Ten years ago, I would've had him figured out in five seconds flat. I've lost my touch."

[sunnydalealum]

"When was the first time you met him?" Her mocha has cooled considerably, but it's still warm enough to soothe her throat.

[nomorekaraoke]

"Oh, wow." He actually has to sit back and think. "Same year I moved here. Two, three years ago? Time flies, I guess..."

[sunnydalealum]

"Yeah?" More than two years, she knows that much. "How'd you meet?"

[nomorekaraoke]

"Business. He came to LA, to help us track down a young woman." This is easier to talk about. Less immediate, and a lot less abrasive to his fragile emotional equilibrium.

"She was in bad shape. Parents killed when she was a little girl, murderer kidnapped and tortured her. She had been locked up in an institution for years when one day she breaks out. Her Slayer powers were emerging, and frankly, we needed an expert and didn't have one. He came over as a favor to Angelito. Or so we thought."

[sunnydalealum]

To track down a young woman; he doesn't even have to say Slayer for her to know what that's about.

Her eyes widen as he goes on.

"Dana," she says abruptly as he finishes.

[nomorekaraoke]

He looks up. Of course she'd know. "Yeah. That's her. Angel felt that she was our responsibility, but they didn't. They screwed us over big time, and, I suppose, with every right. Played us for fools, and we fell for it. We couldn't be trusted after we took over W&H. Past actions and alliances notwithstanding."

He pauses, cheek folding slightly inward as he tries not to bite the inside of it. He isn't sure how to ask. "Is she all right? Was she, when you were...?"

[sunnydalealum]

"Yeah," she says, "yeah, she's ... she's good. They're taking care of her."

Beth bites her lips.

"She was ..." Low. "Her case was, um, precedent. For letting me stay at the Academy without training to fight."

[nomorekaraoke]

He nods at the first reassurance, arches an eyebrow at the rest. "Oh. ...maybe--

"Maybe it really is a small world, after all. Six degrees of whatever that game is all about, you know?"

[sunnydalealum]

"Well." An awkward shrug. "We were both Slayers."

[nomorekaraoke]

"I'm not. Not in any sense of the word."

He shrugs, giving his cup of coffee a slightly baleful look. "...you want a refill?"

[sunnydalealum]

"I'm not anymore either. Maybe they'll do the same thing for Dana."

She glances down at her still-half-full cup. "No, I'm good."

[nomorekaraoke]

He nods, and gets himself a refill. It gives him a moment or two to mull things over, to buck up and face the world like a man (or whatever the Hell applies to him).

He comes back with his cuppa and a bunch of sugar packets. "I hope things work out for her. She needed a break more than most people I know."

[sunnydalealum]

"Yeah. I just ... I don't think there's any way to put right what happened to her." Quiet, and sad.

[nomorekaraoke]

Lorne isn't sure what it says about him that he's more comfortable talking about a girl who lost everything, including her sanity, than his own measly problems. It makes him slightly queasy.

He stirs the sugar in, shrouded in thoughtful silence. Packetful after packetful goes into the black depths, and he really can't find something to say to cheer Beth up.

"The world's an ugly place," he says at long last, not dismissively, but with the tone of someone commenting on the weather forecast. "But at least she's got people to care about her now. That helps."

[sunnydalealum]

"God, I hope it does." Abruptly intense, almost passionate. "I hope she knows. I mean, what -- whatever else is going on in her head -- I hope she knows that she's with people who care now."

[nomorekaraoke]

Looking into his coffee cup, Lorne nods. "Me too, pumpkin. Me too."