[In Need of a Friend]

[nomorekaraoke]

That morning, waking up was the most confusingly lovely thing he'd ever done. It was wonderful, and scary and thrilling at the same time, and it made him feel like something had sucked his heartbeat right up to his chest. It was so wonderful it left him feeling slightly giddy, ever so slightly nauseous with overwhelming excitement.


~*~


He's been smoking all day, walking around the place like he's a very antsy alarm clock just waiting to go off. He'll start screaming soon. If he stops moving, he'll start throwing things around and upset his neighbors, and he'll scream and then he won't know how to stop.

Maybe if he just keeps breathing, he'll be fine. Maybe the smoke will keep him warm enough that he doesn't notice just how empty his too big apartment is. But why stop there? Why not include his whole life into the equation?

Lighting up the last cigarette in his last pack of them, Lorne takes a long, unsteady drag and exhales. Even his breath sounds like death warmed over, and suddenly he's struck by another string of thoughts. His record's stuck on repeat: I don't want to be alone

I don't want to be alone!

I don't want to

He picks up his cell phone off the coffee table, going through his call log and picking out the only number he can trust. And what does he get for it? He gets the answering machine. 'Hi, this is Beth. You know what to do after the beep.'

"Beth, are you there? I didn't know who else to call...but I'm having a really bad day, and I'm not dealing very well, and I just think I need someone to talk to. I didn't know who else to call, I'm sorry if this is totally inappropriate, I just... Call me when you can, all right?"

Comments

[nomorekaraoke]

"Manhattan, Upper East Side. You know me. All glitz and glam." The very words taste bitter.

[sunnydalealum]

Ouch. They sound bitter, too.

"I'm in Midtown," Beth says. "Want me to come up there, or what?"

[nomorekaraoke]

"I'll find you." He stifles a sigh. "I'm heading your way."

[sunnydalealum]

"Okay," she says. "I'm on Sixth Avenue near Macy's."

[nomorekaraoke]

A veritable eternity later, Lorne comes walking down the street heading Beth's way. He's dressed casual enough; maybe muted tones mixed with gray isn't his usual style, but it just seems to work better with his glamour.

[sunnydalealum]

It's funny, but when he's wearing the glamour, she can recognize him at a distance better than close up. It's his build, and the way he moves, that hasn't changed.

She waits until he's close enough that she can be sure he'll see her, and then waves.

[nomorekaraoke]

His eyes light up in recognition, even if he can't quite muster a smile. It doesn't take him long at all to close the distance. "Hey."

[sunnydalealum]

"Hi," she says back, and offers a tentative smile.

... he really doesn't look happy.

[nomorekaraoke]

"I don't..." know how to do this just sort of dies down in his throat. Instead he shows his brand new pack of cigs with a tiny little shake of the wrist.

"Coffee? To go, maybe?" Just in case. He doesn't want to be stuck in a room with strangers if his mood goes from bad to big, bad and bawling.

[sunnydalealum]

"Sure." Soft, and a bit worried. "There's a Starbucks on the next block?"

[nomorekaraoke]

Lorne nods, pulling a cigarette from the pack with deft fingers, and lights up as they head in that direction. At least his hands aren't shaking anymore. It's one of those small blessings everyone keeps gushing over.

"So...what do you know about anagogics, sugar pie?"

[sunnydalealum]

"Um. A little? I mean, I know you're one, and that has to do with how you can read people when they sing..."

[nomorekaraoke]

He nods, pulls the cigarette from his mouth and takes a deep breath hissing through his teeth. "Anagogics read people's paths. Where you're going, where you might end up, what you need to do to get there. In so many words, we read futures."

[sunnydalealum]

"Oh." She's clearly a little startled by that.

And then, abruptly, deeply alarmed. What future has he read that's making him this upset?

[nomorekaraoke]

"Potential futures, at least," he adds, glancing her way at the ominous 'oh'. Then he turns his eyes to the road ahead and goes on. "And over the past year and a half, two, I've been having this dream. The most wonderful, peaceful, beautiful little dream that there was someone out there."

He has another drag of pacifying smoke. "...for me."

[sunnydalealum]

Beth looks up at him.

Still worried: "And ... how is that bad?"

Did it stop? Is it not his future anymore?

[nomorekaraoke]

His mouth twists, his eyes point her way, big and brown and all too bright. He shakes his head; he can't go there right now.

"Coffee."

[sunnydalealum]

A nod, trying for reassuring. "We're almost there."

The familiar green logo is right ahead of them, and for a miracle, the place isn't too crowded.

[nomorekaraoke]

He holds the door open for his friend, and in they go.

Lorne gets a small latte to go, completely annihilating the foam with several packs of sugar. He doesn't talk the whole time.

[sunnydalealum]

Beth gets a mocha, and wraps her hands around it while she waits for Lorne to finish doctoring his latte.

"It's pretty empty in here," she says quietly. "You wanna sit down, or keep moving?"

[nomorekaraoke]

After a moment or two of indecision, Lorne shrugs, and picks one of the tables further in. He sits down, his right hand seeking out the ring on his thumb.

"I got this thing because of those dreams. Figured I should get out there, seize the day. I couldn't be sure he'd find me just twiddling my thumbs at work. At night. I had to get proactive."

[sunnydalealum]

She takes the seat opposite him, and takes a small sip of her drink.

(The he registers; she notices it and moves past it in the space of a second.)

A very soft mm-hm when he stops, just enough to let him know she's listening.

[nomorekaraoke]

He sips his coffee, ignores the pang of something twisting in his chest. It's getting harder to breathe the closer he gets to the punchline.

At least the coffee's sweet. Takes the edge off the sickening squelch surrounding his heart. He tells himself it helps. "Somewhere along the way, I made a friend."

He never makes friends.

[sunnydalealum]

So far everything he's saying sounds like something good.

It's making her dread what has to be a hell of a twist ending coming up.

[nomorekaraoke]

"I like him." He pushes air out his nose. This sounds like something out of a high school sit com. That alone brings an angry flush of heat up his neck.

"I was kind of hoping... Or beginning to think that, maybe-- Because he's the sweetest thing there is, you have no idea." He swallows hard, completely and utterly unable to look up from his coffee.

"I had the dream again. Third time's the charm, right? And he was there. It was him, I know it was, but it was his perspective and suddenly I realized it's been his perspective all along, and it isn't my future, it's his, and I don't know how to tell him."